Man Utd rumours are dog sh*t, nobody knows anything

Sergej Milinkovic-Savic Lazio

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BREAKING: United agree terms for [x] who will reportedly undergo a medical this week
EXCLUSIVE: United and [Club] are said to be “nowhere near an agreement” over the transfer of [X]

BREAKING: According to reports, United will sign [Y] this week with personal terms agreed.

EXCLUSIVE: Manchester United do not see [Y] as a priority and a move is unlikely to go through this summer.

BREAKING: Transfer rumours are dog shit, nobody knows anything and everybody in the entire universe is stupid.

EXCLUSIVE: Sources close to United deny claims that “every person in the entire universe is stupid.”

For real though, this is boring now, delete Man United from the internet. Nobody cares anymore. Sign Skepta for all I care now. Bring back actual football, silly season is killing me.
Gaaavie, Bottom Rock, Kaapstad


Spurs spending
Robert makes a point, just not a very good one; the reason we weren’t at the races last season (I say that despite finishing 4th and a CL final) is because our midfield was exposed time and time again as inadequate. Replenishing our stocks there was the first and foremost task. Ndombele is the ideal player and Lo Celso looks the business too, although I really don’t know too much about him other than he’s a box to box midfielder apparently. So that’s two players to be both calm under pressure and move the ball from our area to the oppositions swiftly and confidently (Sissoko was good last year but he’s not exactly great in his distribution).

Trippier was responsible for multiple goals conceded last season, some farcical – City, Chelsea, United and Barcelona spring to mind. KWP on the other hand has shown far greater defensive nous.

Vertonghen has one more season in him? Based upon what? Foyth isn’t fit for purpose? We’ve heard many of our players labelled similar only to go on and be, well fit for purpose. Harry Kane being one.

There are two weeks remaining of the window and who knows what negotiations taking place, calm yourself, lad. Enjoy the sun, have a drink with an umbrella in it.


What on earth is Robert, Marbella smoking? Some outright bizarre assertions there. Foyth is an exceptionally talented young player, I haven’t seen anything to suggest Vertonghen “has maybe 1 more season in him”, and Trippier spent swathes of last season looking like a total liability. And yet he somehow thinks United (pretty poor squad, particularly in defence) and Chelsea (pretty thin squad, not allowed to sign anyone) will finish above us?!

I’ve come across some pessimistic Spurs fans in my life, but Christ, that guy really takes the biscuit. Sessengon will replace Rose, Sanchez and Foyth are very able backups for Vertonghen and Alderweireld, and Aurier/KWP aren’t exactly downgrades on how Trippier played last season. Instead we’re concentrating on building quality squad depth in attack to try and stop Eriksen being f*cked again by February to address and the occasional lack of cutting edge from midfield.

Genuinely impressed that someone’s managed to find a negative slant on what this summer is looking like being.
Alex G, THFC


After reading Robert’s concerns in the mailbox this morning, I think he’s getting himself unduly concerned.

Now obviously, none of us know what’s actually going to happen next season given the fact no one can see into the future; but working of the standard approach of empirical evidence demonstration that previous behaviour is the biggest indicator of future performance, I think Spurs will be just fine.

1. Trippier was a nightmare last season. He was easily culpable for at least 10 goals that we conceded in all games.

2. If Rose is sold, Davies has always proved to be a solid replacement – he rarely let us down in the times Rose was suffering injury problems. We will also probably buy Sessegnon as a replacement; a decent young player who’ll be given time to develop and the access to Poch’s wise advice.

3. Foyth may look a little shaky at CB, but Sanchez is getting better and better with any game and is still only 22/23. Robert seemed to just ignore his existence but he’s proven in countless occasions that he can step in and maintain standards when either Alderweireld or Vertonghen have got injured. Equally, with Ndombele bought and Skipp being brought on nicely, we could potentially see Diet revert back to being a CB, albeit the 4th choice one – I know he had his faults, but I’d argue he’d be on a par with every other Top 6’s 4th choice CB!

4. Will either of Foyth or KWP actually start at RB, or will Aurier, a player with CL predigree, start there. Yes, he too has looked incompatible with the rigours of the Premier League; but if Sissoko can turn it around with a full pre season and run of starts, why can’t we hope Aurier will to? And if all 3 are really underperforming, nothing stops Poch moving Toby to RB where he had played on multiple occasions…

Feels to me that Spurs defence has most positions covered by multiple options, so it’s understandable they target attacking players where their oft criticised of falling to perform if Eriksen, Son or Kane are subdued…
Paul (Spurs) T.Wells


The effect of sell on clauses
I’ve read in various places that Man U’s 20% sell-on clause for Zaha complicates the transfer as Palace have to charge more than his market value in order to get his market value. This is utterly illogical.

For the last time, Palace only own 80% of Zaha’s transfer value. They willingly signed this contract years ago. Obviously they can ask for as much as they want, and can adopt whatever negotiating stance they feel like, but do they really expect a potential buyer to overpay simply because of the existence of a sell-on clause? This is Palace’s problem, not the buyer’s. I assume professional negotiators know this but it seems to be commonly accepted in media commentary.

Then again, maybe buying clubs aren’t that smart and Palace are just feeding them a line to help justify paying more. I’d be interested if there are example of where a sell-on clause forced buyers to pay more than they other would have paid.
Michael, Tipperary


No time for show ponies in modern football
When you see clubs like Real Madrid and Manchester Utd struggling to offload big players, you could put it down to a number of things. If you look at the current elite teams, I’d say Man City and Liverpool are the best teams in Europe right now. What do they have in common, their team cohesion and work rate to win the ball back. You could name any number of players from each side as world class but I wouldn’t suspect any of them would be on the front cover of fifa20.

Teams like the aforementioned are changing the way football is played, making it a 1-11 game and not relying on a few geniuses. Testament to this is spurs making the final last season. Beating ‘big teams’ like juventus real and Barca to final of the biggest trophy in world football. Barca, rely on Messi, juve Ronaldo and real used to be Ronaldo as well. With the modern team oriented gameplay, you cannot afford to have defensive passengers, no matter how good they are going forward, hence spurs beating juventus, Ajax beating real and Liverpool thumping Barca.

This is the reason why bale Sanchez and the like are left marooned as these clubs try to catch up and change their ways. All great players but believe their own hype and feel defending is for the rest to do. I personally don’t think it’s the money putting off clubs from taking them.


Rating Gareth Bale
Guillame in yesterday’s mailbox asks why teams are not lining up for Gareth Bale if he is so good. I have to say this argument drives me up the wall a bit for a few reasons:

-Teams underrate talented players all the time or come to the wrong conclusion about how effective the player could be if they joined them. The fact that a top club hasn’t come in for Bale (as far as we are aware) isn’t some kind of God-like assessment of his talent.

-We don’t know what negotiations are going on behind the scenes. It’s possible many top clubs are indeed trying to recruit him but are not putting all their cards on the table just yet as they wait to see how the spat with Zidane will play out or maybe they are doing things in secret. The tabloids have tricked us into thinking all football negotiations eventually leak to the press.

-Bale is one of the highest paid players in the world. Plenty of teams even the rich ones may think twice about matching his current wages (assuming he refuses to lower his demands)

-Teams might have been scared off by the stories that Bale is difficult and may worry that he will be a disruptive influence in the dressing room.

Ultimately, the transfer window is still open and Zidane only announced his intention to get rid of Bale a few days ago. Let’s wait a little and see how things will pan out.
Turiyo Damascene


Hi all,

I love how everyone is using stats to prove how good/bad Gareth Bale and the reason Madrid and Zidane want him out. It has nothing to do with any of that.

It has everything to do with the fact that he’s been there 5 years, does not speak Spanish and has made 0 effort to integrate. He skips team dinners and Marcelo said he can basically only say “hello” and not much else to someone he’s known since 2013.

Hope this clears it up.



Exciting season ahead for Chelsea
I want to echo a few of the recent mails from fellow Chelsea fans in saying how excited I am for this season.

Seeing the 1st and 2nd XIs article, it’s shows actually how much depth we have as a club that many players could be interchangeable between to two…ie Emerson and Alonso, Zouma and Luiz etc.

We have an excellent squad (that is arguably bloated) with a promising young, hungry and English contingent. Kovacic and Jorginho have been impressive in preseason and could be reborn under Lampard (cue cliche – like new signings). Mount and Barkley are showing intensity in pressing up top and a willingness to run beyond. We have a great competition between three different types of strikers and older players that know that their are promising youngsters nipping at their heels.

The manager is a legend and has a coaching staff who get the fanbase, he’s willing to give the kids a chance, and on first appearance is playing the sort of football we hope for – high intensity, front foot football.

Yes, we have lost our best player and biggest contributor, but we have replaced him with an exciting prospect in Pulisic who has flashed quality in preseason. As mentioned by a few fans, the over reliance on Hazard had a regressive effect on a few players so hopefully they will step up to the plate now.

Coupled with the minimal signings made by our competition, we have every chance of cracking the top 4 again (was ridiculed for this at start of last season) but not the end of the world if not.
Adam (KTBFFH), Midlands


Alderweireld & Maguire
So Toby Alderweireld’s 25 million pound release clause has expired and every pundit all over the country is queueing up to compare how cheap he is compared to Harry Maguire at 80 million.

Let’s be generous and say a centre backs peak years stop at 32. That’s 12.5 million a season for 30 year old Toby and 13.3 million a season for 26 year old Harry. I think Man Utd were right to pass up Alderweireld as they are the middle of a rebuild. They have enough positions to fill over the next few years without having to do the same job twice. Signing Maguire will at least fill a problem position for 5 years or so. Also we should be thankful Leicester want 80 million because if they only wanted 60 he would be at city by now.
Jim ‘Sign Him Up’ Jones


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